So, if you haven’t noticed yet, I'm wearing a hijab now. In Islam being modest is a large responsibility we must uphold. As women we are to cover everything except our hands, our feet, and our face. So not only do I wear a headscarf but I would consider my new sense of style modest. So anything loose fitting, and long sleeved everything, and even long dresses. The point of dressing modestly and wearing a hijab to me, is taking back control of the way I am viewed, my sexuality, and just being in control I guess. I’m demanding respect from the people that are in my presence. You have nothing to look at except my face and you're forced to get to know my personality. To be completely honest, to me it’s actually quite liberating. And it even helps weed out a lot of men that aren’t interested in actually getting to know me. #singlemomlife
But the hijab makes me feel powerful, it makes me feel in control, it makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. It makes me feel beautiful! Did I also mention I don’t have to actually do my hair haha? Just throw my hair in a bun throw that under scarf on and put my hijab on. Tbh half of the time I don’t even realize it’s on. Alhamdulillah Allah has made it so easy for me.
My biggest concern about putting the hijab on when I decided it was time, was really about work clothes and staying cool. Which is odd because 95 percent of the time I’m always the coldest person in the room. Buuuut at work I work in a shop bay so it’s always super hot. A, we live in Colorado. B, the A/C wasn’t working properly in the bay. And C, did I mention we live in Colorado? My original plan was to put my hijab on my birthday, and I decided that about a month before my bday. I was like okay big 3-0. Let’s make a statement and make my outside appearance reflect the way I feel on the inside. I feel more spiritual, religious, connected to Allah. So, I told the people I was close to what my plan was. I wanted to kind of give them a heads up so I don’t just walk in one day looking completely different. I also wanted to give them an opportunity to ask questions about whatever aspects that they may not be familiar with and what to expect with my new look. But then I decided, you know what I’m just going to do it on the Eid it’s only a couple of days before and I might as well right. I want to take Eid pictures and dress up super cute with a new modest style. Okay perfect Eid it is, I decided on. But then... I just kept getting the itch. Like, when I make a decision in my mind of minds, I need to do it right now or I need it right now. I’m impatient and I hate waiting. And I was like, I’m so excited, yet so nervous but I’m just going to do it tomorrow, this Sunday, like a week before the eid lol. I might as well what am I waiting for? I have soccer tomorrow I don’t want to confuse my little players too much so I should just do it now. Who am I waiting for? Nobody. I’m doing this for me. This is my choice so lesssgo!!!
That day was perfect. The kids didn’t even notice. I figured since children have no filter it would help me prepare to enter into the rest of the world as a hijabi. It did, it made me more comfortable, and I looked super cute. I wore a red, gray, and black Louis Vuitton scarf with my awesome coach Jersey, because that’s how I roll. So then Monday came along, and it was time to go to work. I was a little apprehensive because I didn't want to be all sweaty at work but my sister got me like a cooling rag to wear on my neck, so I was like okay I can handle this. (THANK YOU LAIL) And subhanallah the first day at work wearing my hijab they fixed the A/C! I kid you not and all my worries flew out the window lol. If that isn’t a sign right off the bat like hey, you’re doing the right thing and I’ll take care of you, then I don’t know what a sign is. Alhamdulillah everything happens for a reason and I’m on the right track and Allah will guide me to the straight path.
The biggest question I get is what’s with the change of heart why so drastic? Blah blah. It was just time I felt it in my bones. I don’t know if you remember but I mentioned during the time right before Ramadan I felt the need to fast. Ten years since I’ve fasted, and something was pulling me to it telling me it’s time. I think I could hear and feel that because I'm sober because I'm levelheaded and I have no distractions. And if you’ve been close to me this year you would know how spiritual I had gotten so turning back towards Islam isn’t so farfetched from where I was. If you really truly know me, you would have seen it coming once I started making slow changes to better myself. I have always wanted to be the different person in the room, I don't like to follow the crowd. I considered myself not religious. I believed in God, but I didn’t want to be considered part of a group, I guess. Looking back, I was just so ignorant, narrow minded, and judgey everything I hate about people, everything I thought I hated about religious people os actually what I became. I was just uneducated and uninformed so I re-learned about Islam; what it is to be Muslim, I asked questions and guess what everything I already believed in, is Islam. All my questions were answered they weren’t and are never ignored or deflected and everything makes absolute and complete sense. This all happened during the end of Ramadan and I knew this is it alhamdullah I’m on the right path. Thank you for guiding me back on the straight path. I am truly so happy now and the only thing I can thank is Allah.
Okay okay don’t get me wrong, I do get the side eye and a lot of people staring but the good outweighs the bad and I know it’s a test a test of my patience and of how strong I am. Also, now I know when people are being rude or if they don’t want to talk to me, they are just a prejudice human and I don’t want them in my life anyways. So many amazing people I know have reached out to me. It's always the people you would never accept you for who you truly are that actually are the supportive people.
I’ve learned so much. I’ve learned how strong I am. That there are way more kind and caring people in this world that you know. My hijab is a powerful feministic tool that just makes me even more strong than I thought I ever could be. A lot of people hate or speak out of ignorance and or lack of knowledge, so don't take what they say to heart. Just walk away from a situation if someone is being verbally abusive, there is no reason to meet them in the same dark place. Everyday I seem to learn something new.
So unfortunately none of you will ever be graced with my gorgeous locks ever again haha. Well if you're a woman you can see my hair, but no men. The only men that can see you without a hijab is your husband, children, father, grandfather, and uncles. Everyone else only sees the hijab.
Oh yeah did I mention all the fashionista styles and ways to accessories while wearing a hijab??? Ugh there’s sooooooooo many different scarfs, there’s so many materials, there's so many colors, there’s so many ways to wear a scarf, there’s so many ways to accessories your scarf and guess what it’s all up to your imagination the possibilities are literally endless. Which I love, because I can wear the same scarf for a month and you would never even notice, haha there is just so many ways to wear it. It also gives me an excuse to buy more stuff for my closet #shopaholic! Oh, and when I wear my mask with my mask hijab I look like a really cool superhero ninja lol. That’s also pretty sweet lol. With my hijab I am taking back my identity, sexuality, beauty!
Here is a little list of things not to do or say to someone wearing a hijab...
- Aren't you hot in all of those clothes?
- Can I see you hair?
- Post old pictures without their scarf on.
- Are you ever going to take that thing off?
- I don't like the way you wear your hijab.
- So does this mean you're getting married now?
Basically just be polite! If you have any polite questions just reach out and I would be happy to answer them.
Thank you for listening,
Peace, Love, and Gratitude