Hey, so it’s my birth month. If you haven’t wished me a happy birthday and sent me my presents yet you’re definitely slacking. It is a big one this year the BIG 3-0. I know crazy right. Is it just me, or can I see a show of hands, like it doesn’t matter what age I am, I still feel like I need adult supervision. I swear I am a grown up now though. But seriously, in all honesty something happened in this past trip around the sun. Everything clicked, everything aligned, I feel like I am finally me. I am Mariam, I am a lioness, I am a hijabi, I am a mother, I am a warrior, I am a survivor, hear my Mother trucking roar!!! I am a more evolved, self aware, human and I am darn proud of myself okay. I have even cleaned up my potty mouth, crazy I swear you wouldn’t recognize me and that’s okay with me. All the people that are still around are the ones that actually matter the most. The ones that have been here through the ups and downs are actually here and ready to celebrate me and my growth. I don’t really know what I want to talk about in this blog, I am kind of just typing on a whim no rough draft, this is straight from the beasts mouth so forgive me if I am all over the place more than usual. But, I guess I will talk about the things I have learned this past year.
I killed my Ego, as much as my Leo self misses her, she is dead. What is Ego to me? She is always there putting herself first no matter what. I have always said I do not care what people think of me, and I still to this day believe and live by that, but eliminating my Ego I am able to strip away my feelings out of a situation and be more empathetic towards other people in the face of conflict. I used to be the one that gets defensive right away and will attack, but I have learned to breathe and take a step back, and try to understand. The world does not revolve around you, there are billions of people everywhere all the time and the world will not stop. If you’re depressed and stuck in a rut, everything keeps moving. Just because your world has stopped, doesn’t mean the rest of the world has. Guess what that Instagram post is not directed towards you, and if it is guess what it doesn’t effing matter. Who cares, did it make them feel better? Probably not, and do you really want to be around that miserable petty person anyways? Seriously it does not matter, do something productive with your time. Go read a book or something. Don’t let them get to you, consider the source. Is it someone you respect that hurt you? If it is communicate your feelings, if you respect them, don’t you deserve to be respected? Also that person that just cut you off on the highway, they aren’t worth getting worked up about, they aren’t worth ruining your morning. They must really be in a hurry, let it go, take a breath.
You are in control of every single emotion that you have. I can only control myself. Once you realize that you start to release a ton of anxiety. At least I do, most of my anxiety stems from needing to be in control of every situation. Like the great Elsa said “Let it go,” this will probably not matter in five mins, or an hour, or a day, or a week , or a month, or a year. So just take a deep breath and get on with your day. It is so much easier to be sad than it is to be happy remember that. Small acts of kindness make a huge difference. A smile to a stranger, tipping people that normally don’t get tipped (drive through workers, grocery workers), doing something with your kids, calling your mom, all of these tiny things make a huge difference, and they just make you feel good. Surround yourself with like minded individuals. You are your friends. If your friends are a bunch of drunks, you’re probably a drunk. If your friends are successful business owners, then guess what you’re probably a successful business owner. Be aware of the energy and time you put into people and the energy and time people give to you. Is it equal is it one sided? Be aware of these things. Never stop growing. Mentally grow, think, read, try something new. Physically grow, feed that beautiful body healthy foods and drink your water. Emotionally grow, work through your emotions realize what emotions feel like in your body, identify how you feel. Once you are able to identify your feelings it's so much easier to control and change your patterns. Spiritually grow, question your ideologies, find religion, pray, lose yourself in order to find yourself.
I guess I am just going to list all the stuff I have saved in my phone now haha….
When people ask me how I am doing I tell them great and grateful and happy and healthy. I need T-shirts with that. Don’t steal my idea jerk.
Our parents have their own trauma and their own demons they are working through. Forgive them!
Nobody has life figured out!
I can only control myself.
Other people’s opinions are none of my business.
I am the only person responsible for my happiness.
Be Present, life is way too short.
Replace anxiety with gratitude.
Ground yourself, usually being in nature or near water helps me ground myself.
It’s okay to have bad days, nobody is perfect.
Apologize when you’re wrong, apologize to someone when you hurt them even if it’s not intentional, apologize to your kids when you get frustrated and impatient.
Everyone is allowed to feel their feelings and just because you don’t understand them doesn’t mean that their feelings are invalid.
One smile can change someone’s day, or even change someone’s life.
You never know someone else’s journey. Even your siblings see and remember things differently than you.
Be patient, with people, with yourself, with life.
Be the sun not the salt.
Stay away from toxic people, they will only bring you down.
It’s okay to cut ties with people.
It’s okay to miss people.
Trust your intuition.
Pu$$y is power!
You are creative.
You are beautiful.
You can try anything, you can try anything, don’t let anyone especially yourself tell you otherwise.
Don’t force relationships.
Let shiz go!
Self love, self care, sometimes you need to be selfish.
You can’t help anyone if you don’t help yourself first. (Masks on the airplane)
You are effing powerful.
Life is precious and life is beautiful.
You can always find some good in any situation.
Most people will take everything personally.
Most people lash out or react from a very emotional place.
Sometimes we must set emotions aside when we want to communicate our emotions.
One bad moment should not change your mood.
I think that’s all I got. I am just sitting here reflecting on all my past birthdays and all my past birthday parties and guess what in all honesty they all sucked butt. The fake friends the partying the EGO I am so glad I am over it. I am here this birthday weekend listening to my sisters arguing about each other’s scores (because they are having a tournament with Mazen and his arcade catapult thingy that we made earlier) it’s annoying but I have my sisters and I have my son and I am sober and this is the best birthday weekend I could ever ask for.
Thank you for listening,
Peace, Love, and Gratitude